May
2014
Waiting and Watching
My eyes glaze over the blank television wondering whether or not I should turn it on. I don’t know if I would be able to handle watching a death of any tribute let alone my own brother. I turn it on. I watch as my brother sprints across the grass trying to escape the plain that makes him vulnerable, but there is nowhere to hide. Suddenly, the camera shifts to my brother’s left, about a hundred feet away, and lands on a tribute who I recognize to be from District Four. She is scrawny and only has one arrow left in her quiver. The sweat that has been accumulating on my forehead has now turned cold. She won’t hit him, I assure myself, She’ll miss. My heart feels as if it is shriveling with each step she takes, soon it will be gone.
The arrow is shot.
It whooshes through the air, but my brother does not see it. I am yelling. Screaming. Trying to warn him. It is no use. When he sees the arrow and the girl, it is too late. I can tell that he has fallen down through my blurry, tear-filled vision. I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and it is saturated with my tears. My brother is dead. My best friend is gone. It seems so unreal to me, it can’t be true. He will return in a matter of days. I am simply hallucinating, yeah, that’s it. I look back at the screen. At my brother, lying on the ground with an arrow lodged in his chest, and turn it off.
4dawson
May 22, 2014 at 5:06 pm (10 years ago)I liked this piece, it was fun to read. I thought you rushed because it all happened really quick, I think too quick. You turn on the TV you see a girl, she kills your brother and you turn the TV off. Next time maybe slow your writing a little.
4julia
May 22, 2014 at 5:11 pm (10 years ago)I agree it went by to fast. It could have used more detail. Also you never said who you were, what district you were from or who your brother was. The piece was good but lacked detail overall, but you had the right idea and I think if you added a few more details it would have been terrific!
4rachelbrown
May 22, 2014 at 11:19 pm (10 years ago)This was a very good piece, but I do agree that this was a bit too fast. It would have been better if you had described a little more of what you were seeing and put a little more build up to the part where your brother died. Zoom in more on your emotions, denial, the pain you are going through. It could have made this much more emotional and much less rushed. Also, the ending is very abrupt. You just turn off the TV and thats the end. It would’ve been more interesting and emotional to maybe describe how the rest of your family had reacted to your brothers death and the pain that everyone else seemed to be going through. It also would’ve been nice if you had described the setting more, what did the arena look like (although this wasn’t the main focus, so that’s not as big a deal) so the reader can see what you see. Despite all of this, this was still a great writing piece and your reactions to your brother’s death, especially the denial, was still done very well and was very interesting to read. Overall, this was a very good blog post and you would just need to zoom in and add more and this could be a fantastic writing piece.